The Green Monster

We are making progress on the new house. Rather, the worker bees are making progress on the house as we speak, er, type, and we are shuttling back and forth every few days and on the weekends to check in. Which I’ll admit: is getting OLD. Fast. I am ready to get settled in our new place. But first, we have some projects to tackle. Like landscaping, painting and then of course: The Green Monster.

We’ve got a Green Monster and a Green Mile. Both are being eradicated.  First, may I present, The Green Monster:

But wait, there’s more!

Sadly, though these are merely iPhone photos, the color is accurate. That is a forest green carpet. And it extends the full 1,000 square feet (not a typo) to the back bedrooms.

The previous owner used this room, which is a more recent addition located above the garage, as a bonus room. She had a large sectional with a media center and the back bedrooms were used as just that- additional bedrooms for guests. When we initially looked at the house, we couldn’t reconcile how to make the upstairs floor plan more child- friendly.  After some consideration, Kase came up with the plan to use this bonus room as our master bedroom. The two rooms in back could be converted to storage space and a walk in closet, and we would have easier access to the two bedrooms down the hall where Colin and his little brother will sleep. Down this hall:

The dog is the only cute thing in this picture.

That? Is the Green Mile. It starts downstairs. In the family room. As in, the whole family room. And part of the ceiling. And the stairs. And stair risers. And extends to the upstairs doors and trim. Methinks someone really likes olive green. Sadly, that person is not me. But I’ll get to that later.  With photos. You’ll be green with envy. Sorry, couldn’t resist.

Back to the real beauty contest winner:

“You b*&^#s are just jealous!” – Green Monster

Eventually, the plan is to create a master closet in the one back bedroom there, and a master bathroom in the other bedroom. But that is a five year to ten year plan.  As for now? I just want the green monster gone.

Upon purchasing the house, Kase and I went through top to bottom and prioritized projects as “safety” issues. Things like electric work and pool covers and plumbing and landscaping and the wood stove which was a fire hazard. So imagine my surprise and disdain when Kase literally laughed at me when I said the carpet was a safety issue. But I still won that argument. Because I am me. I’m awesome at getting my way. Would you not agree that beyond the blinding nature of the carpet, its general “nastiness” would qualify as a safety hazard? Cuz I would.

There’s only room for one rough looking lady in this house, and that is me. Move aside, Monster. Move aside.

You can put your pens and paper down. There will be no time to eulogize. Tomorrow, the Monster leaves this dark and ugly world.  Granted, she made the world dark and ugly, but bygones and not speaking ill of the dead and all that.  But can I say one thing? Good riddance to bad ruggish.

God, I crack myself up. Or maybe I’ve been smelling too much paint. Whatever.


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