I’m with Stupid

Not like I was really considering homeschooling Colin, but it brings the sads when you realize your lack of knowledge is on par with the Real Housewives of Atlanta.

This actually happened.

I was watching my weekly trash and during the episode when the “ladies” were in Africa, they were discussing if they would see any tigers. Reasonable question. OR SO I THOUGHT.  The safari guide helpfully informed them that tigers are not found in Africa, but India. And I had to sit there and really consider that this tour guide, a native, might be right. And I am sure that if I looked in a mirror I would have found the same perplexed face staring back at me that I was viewing on Sheree’s face. And then we said “Huh” at the same time.

I realized it’s a good thing we don’t keep cyanide or hemlock in the house because I would have killed myself right then and there.

This is precisely why I don’t watch that show, “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?” The answer is a resounding NO.  And thanks, but I don’t need Jeff Foxworthy confirming that for me. How demoralizing.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not dumb, per se. I’m just not smart. Not when it comes to school things. I can’t remember things like remainders and dangling modifiers. And not just because I could barely get a grip on them the first time.

I went to a good college and everything, but I was never an ace student.  I’ve never been book smart. Which is how I became an English major. You don’t have to be book smart to read books. Ain’t that something?  In any other subject, I had to work, which just won’t do. It’s amazing what a couple of A’s can do. And because I often take the path of least resistance, English Literature it was.  I call this being “amenable” and I find this suits me well in life. Plus amenable sounds a lot better than “easily molded”. I like to think it means “easy going” the same way so many people think “peruse” means “to scan”, rather than “to study intently.”

However, now that I don’t have to work at it, I’m pretty positive I’ve lost the few non English major book smarts I had. Even some of the English major ones too. Like words.  In fact, most of my blog posts always take a bit of extra time as I search my brain for words like “successful.” Instead, I find myself saying things like, “I achieved my goal!” I sound like a foreigner trying to speak the English language. But like a true English major, why use one word when four will do?

I could blame it on mom brain. But that wouldn’t be fair. I know plenty of mothers who are smart and can come up with words like “antonym” without having to google it.

Kase and I discuss this at length as I worry that I have dementia. Better dementia than the stupids. He is not worried I have dementia since I seem to have total recall for any time he has made a mistake or given me the go ahead on something that requires spending money.  Regarding my stupids, he hit the nail on the head: I have an insatiable curiosity and eagerness to learn when it comes to something that interests me. Otherwise? Not so much. Also he thinks I would make a great lawyer, because I can poke holes in any argument he tries to put up. And he’s a tax lawyer. So he would know.

I suppose I could homeschool my child on the meaning of the word “Fenian.”  Also, I can offer a full biography on Magnus Scheving, the Icelandic Gymnast and creator of the scariest children’s show in the World, Lazy Town.   And I’ve got you covered on the plot of the musical Brigadoon. Because these are all things I have recently Wiki’d.

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4 thoughts on “I’m with Stupid

  1. Lazy Town is horrible, horrible, horrible! I’m lucky that my mom watches our two little ones and she never turns on the TV for them. Our oldest had that awful stomach bug thing you guys had the other week and couldn’t do anything but lay in bed all pitiful, so I stayed home from work and we watched PBS Kids all. day. long. Except when that horrific show came on. That gymnast guy just looks scary! He’s like the flying monkeys from Wizard of Oz. I just can’t look. I don’t even really get the premise of the show or plot or whatever (I wasn’t an English Lit major so I wouldn’t know), but it was the worst and I quickly decided we needed a nap at that very moment.

  2. Elizabeth,
    Seriously, for a while there, I had to turn it off anytime a commercial was even on for that show. And then I became intrigued. What is that accent? Why is he the only one that has it? And why is everyone so strange looking? That poor girl is probably suffering from an eating disorder. There I said it.
    K

  3. I’m a little behind in reading your posts…this is tote how I am, being an English major as well (and Sociology, but I’m not sure that really counts). I use wikipedia to look up the most random sh*t – if I’m interested in it – at that moment. Like, a couple days ago, while watching Access Hollywood, a segment on Christie Brinkley came on and I HAD to Wikipedia her ass right then and there. I read her whole life story. Ask me anything! I have a wiki app on my phone…I almost use it as much as my FB app

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