So, here’s the deal, dudes. I stepped on the scale recently and was shocked- SHOCKED- at what I saw. I mean, I know it’s the winter, and during this time, largely due to my SADs, I go a little heavier on the bread. As in, I eat bread, entire loaves for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Why? Because bread is the bomb. Especially with butter. Holy Crap. It seriously makes me happy. Were I ever to get depressed, I’m pretty sure the doctor would whip out a prescription for King’s Hawaiian Sweet rolls with a chaser of Pillsbury Honey Butter Flaky Grands. And given my recent indulgences, I may slip into a deep depression after stepping on to the scale. Not cool, King’s Hawaiian Sweet Rolls. I thought we had a deal. And that deal? Was not to gain 5 pounds. I am pretty sure we agreed to a small portrait in the attic that would grow large and eventually morbidly obese, breathing heavily with the slightest of physical activity if I were only able to continue to indulge in your goodness and remain under that dastardly number on the scale. A number I have not seen since my pregnant ass stepped on a scale. A number which I surpassed this past month. And NO, MOM! I’m not pregnant. At least, I don’t think I am…..that would be an amazing excuse though……
So it’s time to go Caveman on my ass. What’s Caveman? It’s a silly new fad diet called the Paleo diet. Now listen up here, because this diet theory is going to blow. your. mind.
You eat lean meats, vegetables and try and cut out sugar and grains. Because the cavemen didn’t have things like King’s Hawaiian sweet rolls. Or processed foods. And they had to like, hunt for their food and shit. So, add in a side of moderation, and you have the Paleo diet.
ISN’T THAT REVOLUTIONARY??!?!?!?!?
So I headed over to that whore known as Pinterest and searched anything with the term “Paleo”. And let me tell you something. A lot of it looked thoroughly foul. To me anyway. But I did find this recipe, so decided to try it this weekend, with a decidedly un-paleo friendly addition. Cuz I’m normal. And not a caveman. If soy sauce is going to undo all my other hard work of not eating bread, then kill me now. Actually, don’t. Just strap on a feed bag of Flaky Grands. Cuz I give up.
Asian Beef with Mushrooms and Broccoli Slaw
1 lb of ground meat (I used grass fed ground beef from Whole Foods)
1 lb of thinly sliced mushrooms (I used shitake)
1 small onion, roughly chopped
2 tablespoons of lard (WHA? I used regular oil)
3 cloves of garlic, minced
1-2 cups of broccoli slaw (with carrots)
2 scallions, thinly sliced
1-2 tablespoons of fish sauce
1-2 tablespoons of apple cider vinegar
2-3 tablespoons of soy sauce
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
1. Finely chop Onion. Cook in large frying pan until translucent.
2. Add in sliced mushroom and cook until moisture evaporates.
3. Add in garlic and store for 30 seconds.
4 Add in ground beef and cook until browned.
5. Add fish sauce, soy sauce, vinegar and salt and pepper. Season as desired.
6. Add broccoli and carrot slaw and allow vegetables to soften slightly.
7. Line bowls with lettuce and spoon mixture into bowls. Garnish with Scallions.
*Add in some Sriracha if you like it a little spicy, too. The cavemen only wish they had that.*
*PS* If you want to follow my Pinterest Board for Food, go to http://pinterest.com/katehannan/yum-yums/