Remember when we had a cat?

It's been real. Real Awful.

So remember when we had a cat? Well, we don’t anymore. Sorry about not telling you earlier, but I’ve been busy. Celebrating not having a cat anymore. Here’s the deal. Cats?  They stink. Literally. Whoever said they are clean never owned a dog. Cuz dogs? They do their business outside. They don’t do it indoors, in a bunch of litter, which they then track around your whole house so you can’t walk around without slippers on because you don’t vacuum enough. And why are they nocturnal? Seriously? They sleep all damn day and then as soon as you hit your REM cycle, they are all up in your grill, mewing, mewing, non-stop mewing, FOR FOOD. Cuz he only ate like a 1/2 pound of food already. Stupid dumb cats.

When I was very little, we owned a cat. It’s a well known fact my mother hated said cat. One of her peeves was that the cat was always tripping her on the stairs. When she tells this story, oh we laugh and laugh and laugh. That mom! So silly.

And then? I tripped over my cat while carrying my son downstairs. Twice. MotherFingBastardcat.

Bye Bye, Kitty Cat! Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

Kase’s lovely cousin took in the delinquent. And so far, so good. At least in my opinion.

I have what I think is the equivalent of PTSD [Cat Edition]. Because the other day I saw an ad for something cat related. And I began screaming at the TV, “Don’t make me go back there! I don’t want to go back! I can’t go back there!” That’s probably not normal behavior, screaming at the TV. I mean it is if you are watching a marathon, of say, Mob Wives or Teen Mom 2, but a cat product informercial? Save the talking to the TV for the important stuff, Kate.

Here’s another example. Remember when I shared this ingenious way of hiding your cat’s poop spot? Well, I was perusing the Target online home sale, and saw that the trunk I used was on sale. And I got all sweaty and started shaking a little. But then I realized. The trunk’s intended purpose isn’t necessarily for hiding cat shit. You don’t have to jigsaw a big hole in the side for your cat to climb in and out of.  It can be used to store things. Things that don’t smell. Like blankets or pillows. Things that don’t clump and need to be removed every day while you scream at your toddler, “NO! STAY AWAY! NO TOUCHING!”. So there you have it. Did I mention it’s on sale? If you are so inclined, you should buy it. For yourself,  your pillows, or for your cat. Haha, sucker.

4 thoughts on “Remember when we had a cat?

  1. hahaha. I have a step-cat (my husbands cat before we were married) that I despise! He isn’t a bad cat in fact, he actually fetches toys like a dog which is actually kind of cool. BUT I can’t take the kitty litter any more. Or the puking or the peeing on a sweatshirt that may have fallen on the ground. Seriously I am never ever owning another cat again! And I really do LOVE animals just no longer a fan of being a cat owner. Do you know anyone who wants another cat 😉

    • Lesley,

      Our cat was bad. We were told by “cat people” that our cat was a baaaaad cat. Our vet’s file on him had a large orange sticker that read, “CAUTION”. We had him declawed when he started to attack the baby and he required two doses of anesthesia since he was so riled up. And then? After all that didn’t work? He got his own prescription for Prozac. PROZAC!!! Instead, we decided to try out the equivalent of three Glade Plug Ins that are supposed to help with kitty anxiety. To the tune of $150. Him tripping me down the stairs was the last straw. I wasn’t a cat person before, and I am definitely NOT a cat person now. That being said, I’ve met some very sweet cats, but I’ll assume they are the exception to the rule. 😉

  2. i dealt with the darn thing the whole time K was a newborn. then, she started biting the babysitters and my friend’s kids on playdates at the house. she had a bum leg and we were told she wasn’t adoptable. we had her murdered at the vet. aaaaaand scene.

    • Shelli,

      “we had her murdered at the vet”. Best thing I have ever read. That is going to make me laugh all day long. Thank you!

      and to expand on our story a bit….I knew his time was limited when he was prescribed prozac.I’m pretty sure I was the one who was supposed to suffer from postpartum.


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